I made it through today only crying once about Chi Chi. It's getting easier to remember just the good stuff, and not replaying over and over in my mind her death. I feel sorry for Opal, she doesn't have anyone to play with now. I feel sorry for my mom and stepdad; they were so close to Chi Chi ... I mean I LOVED Chi Chi, but they were with her a lot more than I was. I feel sorry for the woman who hit Chi Chi, my mom said she was crying a little bit and felt so bad. Someone finally cleaned up the area in the road in front of our house where Chi Chi passed away, it made me cry everytime I pulled out or in the driveway, seeing the stains.



I made that for Chi Chi last night. I think it captures her personality best in that picture. The rainbow is symbolic of the Rainbow Bridge ... here is something that might make you cry ...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

But we're trying to move on. It's only 2 weeks until we leave for California! I have to be happy about that. I tanned for 20 minutes today, gonna tan for another 20 minutes probably next Sunday, and then pop in one more time before we go. I can't believe it's so soon. :)

Well I'm gonna go read "Hackers", picked it up from the thrift store ... ciao.

I think I am going to leave this post up for a few days. Yesterday after I went to Mike's house, my mom called and told me that our sweet dog Chi Chi, had been struck by a car and passed away. It was really sudden ... Chi Chi is so important to all of us. She was our first 'family' pet. She was so smart. She always listened ... when you told her to go to 'her room' she ALWAYS did ... she was the cutest dog ever. I cried all day yesterday and have already more today. It's so hard seeing where she was hit, on the road ... seeing her picture in my wallet ... well if I don't stop talking I'm gonna keep crying. We love you so much Chi Chi. Now you can play with the puppies & dogs that Mike has lost up in Heaven. Don't teach them to bark at everyone though ... well, okay go ahead. It was annoying but we knew you just were trying to protect us by barking at that leaf floating down the sidewalk!

You can look at Chi Chi's Dogster profile by clicking HERE!

WE LOVE YOU CHI CHI!


Chi Chi being her cute self ...


Opal and Chi Chi lounging around ...


Chi Chi taking a nap on Opal ...


Chi Chi and Opal when Opal was sooo little ... Chi Chi REALLY didn't like Opal at first! But they're best friends now :)


Chi Chi trying to be all regal!

We'll miss you Chi Chi. You were the best!

Just wanted to make a post for the heck of it ... work was really slow today ... made about $25, blech ... went to see my sister last night, some of you may remember me making posts about her being critically ill a few months back. She's doing good, getting random fevers, but other than that she's okay. She has to wear something called "The Vest" that shakes all the phlegm out of her lungs and breathe some medicine through a ventilator ... she did that while we were there, must be so annoying :( My mom drove my car up there (rush hour ... I didn't feel like driving) and it ran nice, its about an hour each way. I was kind of worried something would happen after a semi-long drive; overheating, anything.

So tonight we're gonna either go see "Scary Movie 4" or "Silent Hill" ... can't really decide. Guess we'll figure it out tonight. :)

Saw this on a friend's blog :)

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

I guess I kind of agree with that. I'm not very meditative. I should probably be more so. But I do enjoy the simple things in life.

Got up pretty early this morning and had breakfast with my mom ... just kinda drove around ... I almost hit some lady who just decided to STOP in the middle of a turn ... but I was paying attention, unlike her, look like she went to answer her cell phone or something ... anyway ...

I almost forgot! Derr ... I was so dumb last night. I forgot Final Fantasy: Advent Children came out yesterday! And here I was thinking me and Mike were gonna watch "Aeon Flux" or "Hostel" tonight. Yeah right! We're going to buy FF:AC!

Thanks to my "The Movies"/"Lumines" addictions, I didn't get to sleep until about 3:30 am last night/this morning. I was like ... well, I'll get 6 hours of sleep before work, that's plenty, eh?

Im usually a complete zombie in the mornings, if you wake me up and tell me something and I go back to sleep, there is no WAY I remember it. My mom woke me up at about 5:30 am and told me our neighbor across the street's house was on fire. It took a few moments, and then I was downstairs ... I'll give you an idea how close our houses are. Our side of the road has a sidewalk and about 5 feet of front yard (yeah, not much) and then it's the house. We have a big backyard. Anyway, they don't even have a sidewalk. Our houses are both REALLY close to the road. There's like one fire truck outside ... I can see the smoke, but I'm still kind of groggy and it takes about 10 minutes before I actually come out on the porch and look. There are flames up in the air, rising at least 20 - 25 feet above the house. I've never seen anything like it in my life ... and this is definitely no more than 50 feet away.

Thanks to some grace of God, the Johnsons were not home. They are an elderly couple ... I always think of the husband as "ZZ Top" because he has the crazy beard going on. They are nice enough, admittedly I have never spoke to them of my own volition. That's what makes me feel even worse. Apparently, they were at the wife's mothers (must be PRETTY old) for some reason. I mean ... these people are pretty old ... I hardly ever see them leave anywhere. What are the odds that they would go out of town? It was so horrible, standing there, watching them put out the flames, and of course it's their job, but they're breaking open windows and just throwing stuff out the windows to get in. I've never respected firefighters more than I did this morning, I mean that house was BURNING, and there they go, inside to put it out. I just wanted to go outside and say "thank you!" ... our neighbor on our side of the road knew they were out of town, thank God, but there were probably a lot of cats inside. :'( They always have a "free kittens" sign on a tree outside their house ... I gotta be honest, they are kind of hillbilly-ish. But I said to my mom, how horrible and wonderful at the same time, they aren't here to see the destruction of their house, and their belongings being broken and ruined, who knows what they were. They could've been junk or 200 year old family heirlooms.

So in conclusion, I don't know when they're coming home, but I thought it was a crazy thing that they were out of town. I just feel so bad after living across the street from them for 7 years, never speaking to them. Mr. Johnson used to drive this annoying race kart thing around ALL THE TIME in the summer and it used to drive me and my mom nuts. And I usually see him standing outside when I get in my car to drive to work. Anyway ... it was definitely one of the most horrible and amazing things I've ever seen, those flames shooting out the back of that house so high into their air. Props to the local fire departments though, they really put it out fast.

God bless our firefighters, and the Johnsons. :)

Okay, so Mike let me borrow the game "The Movies" for PC for the next couple days. At first my computer was being kind of crummy with it, I mean it's a good computer but I had to put most of the graphic settings on low so that it didn't have any lag. This game lets you create your own movies ... it's insane. I just made a movie that basically had no point, it was a starter movie, but it had me and Mike in it, you can choose your own sets, like a school, a living room, a car, and you can choose from literally 100s of "scenes" like people talking, someone telling a joke, someone crying, people fighting, ANYTHING you can imagine ... I mean I can't even do this thing justice. It's just crazy.

The Movies Review Check out that link to read more about the game. I am kind of tired and don't really feel like posting pictures & movies ... or finding them for that matter ... but this game is well worth the investment. I think it was $40 at Wal-Mart? It was a game that had a lot of interest while it was being developed for its cutting edge technology you could say, as the depth of the game is really intense. In the storyline mode you are a Hollywood mogul, building your own movie lots, creating stars, choosing sets to build, hiring scriptwriters ... it's almost a little too indepth for me, and definitely too in depth for only borrowing it for a few days!

But I just wanted to post a little blurb about it. Also X-Men 2 for PSP is kind of annoying. The graphics are good but on such a little screen they are kind of headachey. And the controls are pretty shoddy. It's much more fun multiplayer on a console. Back to Lumines. :) I think I'm gonna name my car Lumines. Since I'm addicted to that game, and it's a Lumina. :)

Yay! I just got back from getting insurance for my car. I can drive around now! FINALLY. It was $150 for two months ... bleh ... but at least that's two months taken care of, right there. The girl at the insurance place was really nice. Some dude before me had been talking his head off about his bad credit and financing his car ... she couldn't tell him to get out because it was about insurance, but she didn't really have any useful info because he was just RAMBLING. Anyhoo, they gave me a nifty difty atlas, and we talked about California ... she was so nice! Anyhoo, so I finally get to go somewhere. That being Giant Eagle with my mom so she can use Coinstar for the $360 in change she has!

I put up a blog on my myspace called "Humility ... " if anyone is interested, it's kind of long. I dunno why I posted it over there, just felt like it.

So stuff that I need to do with my car in the next couple weeks ... get a tire checked out that is kind of dryrotted ... get a new serpentine belt ... install my MP3 player ... I guess that is kind of it. Maybe I can buy a new serpentine belt tonight and have Rick put it on, I'm kind of worried about that.

Just wanted to make it known that I am now BACK ON THE ROAD!

Today was a really great day. Nothing extraordinary, just a really good day spent with Mike. :) It started out a little aggravating, decided the weather might be too crummy to have our picnic, so we just went for a walk. But it was really nice. We started out in a park in Wadsworth, went through some woodsy areas ... Mike tried to get me to walk over a tree over a river but I wouldn't do it, lol .... then we headed into 'town' and walked through a cemetery for about an hour or so. It was really interesting, we stopped at one set of gravestones in particular that must've had an interesting story behind it. It was a mother (I'll call her Elise, I can't remember her name) who lived from about 1871 - 1903, and three smaller stones next to her, three children that only lived between 1897 - 1901, none of them living to be older than two. She must've died shortly after. Her husbands stone was next to hers, he lived to be about 65, and another woman's grave was on the opposite side, a woman he married after his first wife passed away. I can't even imagine that man's grief, his wife and three children all passing away, then remarrying and she didn't even live very long, died about 20 years before he did if memory serves. Made me wonder if the first wife had some reproductive problems, or what ... very moving. :(

Checked out some cool masoleums, of course you're not allowed inside because idiots feel the need to vandalize the outsides of them. How disrespectful of people, I won't even waste my time complaining about them.

Anyway, just hung out for the rest of the day, he let me borrow that "Movies" PC game, WOW it is addictive and fun. I'm gonna install it on my computer here in a minute, probably be playing it all night! But I gotta take my mom to work early in the morning ... blah... but at least I have tomorrow off of work. And I get my car insurance, whoo! Finally, be cruisin in my .. not so cute car. LOL oh well, function over form.

So I hope everyone had as good a weekend as I did, or at least today. :)

Yep. Nothing exciting. Just work. I'll finally be able to get car insurance on Monday, YAY. Tomorrow me and Mike are going to Silver Creek and having a PICNIC as long as it doesn't rain! I have two days off in a row ... never happens (Sunday & Monday) ... guess I'll have plenty to do Monday. Not that I'll have any money to spend after getting insurance. At least my car came with a half tank of gas in it, lol ... well ... ttyl folks ...

Work sucked ... so bad yesterday. Okay, I'm gonna start at the beginning. My mom had to take me to work because I still don't have the money for insurance on my car. So I'm getting out ... and I have COFFEE all over my butt, on khaki pants. I'm like ... wtf ... so my mom drives home to pick up my other pair of pants; I figure I can at least stay at work and do some sidework in the meantime, and not take any tables. Then I get sat like three tables in a row when my pants arrive. I get one really good tip from three construction guys, they were really nice. It was about $7 for just the three of them. Anyway, at another table, I'm handing food off the tray to these three businessmen. They're not exceptionally happy or rude, just normal. Well, another server just comes right up to my table as I'm setting food down, takes a used cup (for soup) off their table and, AS I am STILL setting stuff down, asks how everything is and if they need anything. HELLO? This is MY TABLE! The extra dish was not in anyone's way, I was going to remove it as soon as I got all the HOT FOOD off my tray! I was so insulted. This server is really nice, but she thinks she's just God's gift to the restaurant. She's been working there like 5 years and is just sooo awesome. So the one guy says "Yeah, can I get some mayo on the side please?" so I (kind of visibily) get agitated and turn around to walk towards the kitchen to get his mayo. The other server stops me halfway there, still standing at my table and practically shouts "HEIDI - that'll be TWO mayos." It's like, maybe if you weren't hogging my fucking table, I could've asked the guy myself about the damn mayo! She stood there for another two three minutes just talking to them, even when I came back, she didn't shut up to let me ask them how everything was. And then, not too much later, I get sat at table 17. Let me explain something about the layout of our restaurant. There are two sides, think of it as an L shape. I had the front half of the shorter side of the L, plus two random booths in the longer part of the L. I can't really see them, someone needs to tell me when I get sat there. So ... and how funny, this person is related to the super server ... she tells me I got sat over at 17. BUT, it's also called Section B, and I thought she said D. Partially my fault, she should've enunciated just a hair better. But I take the blame. I was running around for the three tables I got sat in a row, and then I see super server over at 17. I was like ... oh, I hope she hasn't been there long. Then both super server and her relative are like "I told you right to your face you got sat there. I already took her order, she wants this and this and this ... " and they're bending over backwards to please this one woman at 17. So I take the lady's salad out to her and apologize for my error, saying it was my fault and again, sorry. She's like "Oh, I didn't even notice anything." Ha ... I kind of laughed, just cracked me up. So of course for the rest of the lunch time I'm being treated like an idiot because I got sat practically three times in a row and misunderstood someone. It's all "Did you see they got sat? Did you see they need refills? Do you need me to run your food for you?" And it wasn't out of niceness. So, then I've got all these tables at once, and then I don't get sat AT ALL. They take me off the floor at about 1 pm. Then Denise (head honcho) comes out to me and says "Oh, you need to switch over all the syrups from the pump things to these squirt bottles. We're not using the pumps anymore." Long story short, for a whole HOUR I was off the floor, not making more than the $2.30/hr I'm paid, doing all this side work, getting cherry/strawberry/vanilla /chocolate flavors ALL over me and the counters trying to switch them over and get everything cleaned up. It literally took me from 1 - 2 pm to do everything, plus all my other sidework I had to catch up on. And of course we got relatively busy after they took me off the floor.

ARGGGH!! I didn't mean to complain so much but I really needed to type that out. Other minute things happened but aren't really worth mentioning.

But luckily last night after work was good. Mike picked me up, we went out to a big used bookstore in Wooster, I got like the ultimate X-Men book ... has all these really cool illustrations and bios about the characters and places ... I used to be a big fan of the X-Men when I was younger, I loved the first movie, didn't care so much for the second one ... but the third one looks AWESOME! Mike has some of the comics, I need to read them. The TV show, along with the Pokemon TV show, really inspired my drawing style when I was about 13, 14.

So then we just kinda chill ... watched some "Fruits Basket!" I've decided it's my favorite anime ... it's just so cute T_T



It's Kyo, Tohru, and Yuki!



And Yuki turns into a rat ... I own this! I kept it in my old car because it was a Honda ... and Tohru's last name is Honda ... and they're a couple ... anyway ... it's cute!

Because that was today. The only thing I did of remote interest was make a new Myspace background. That was it.

Am also quite angry ... I bought my car, got the temporary tag, got the title switched over ... but I still have to get insurance for it. After buying the car full, $1600 out of my pocket, I don't have an extra $150 (after other expenses) to be spending on two months up front insurance like they're asking. So even though I lent my mom like $100-something last year and let her pay me back over the course of like a month, I can't borrow $100 to get insurance on my car so I can drive my OWN car and not have to take her and pick her up from work in my STEPDAD's car because hers isn't work (though she doesn't have to pay to have it fixed yet). And I could pay her back next week. And Mike and his mom helped Opal earlier this week so they didn't have to take her to the emergency vet and spend an unnecessary $100. Yeah ...

Ugh ... I need to get out of here ...

I had this on a bulletin on myspace, thought it was kinda funny and really weird so I'd post it here too. I didn't switch these around ...

Take all the songs on your computer and put then on shuffle... then press play and the first song is the first question...


How does the world see you? : "Passenger" by The Deftones (LOL!)

Will I have a happy life? : "Ray of Light" by Madonna (sounds good to me)

What do my friends really think of me?: "Highway Man" by Johnny Cash (not bad)

Do people secretly lust after me?: "Chess King" by Freezepop (judging by the lyrics... yes!)

How can I make myself happy? : "Doctor! Doctor!" by The Thompson Twins (LOL ok...)

What should I do with my life? : "Prison Song" by System of a Down (something political?)

Will I ever have children? : "Face to Face" by Daft Punk (no info there ... )

What is some good advice for me? : "Something for the Pain" by Zeromancer (PERFECT!)

How will I be remembered? : "The Sweater Song" by Weezer (ooook)

What is my signature dancing song?: "Boys on Film" by Freezepop (that is so perfect!!! this is funny!)

What do I think my current theme song is? : "I Would Die For You/#1 Crush" by Garbage (pretty on)

What does everyone else think that my current theme song is?: "Violator" by Ra (makes sense)

What song will play at my funeral? : "The Final Act" by Mushroomhead (I SWEAR that is what it is, wow)

What type of men/women do you like?: "Need Versus Want" by Splashdown (huh)

What is my day going to be like?: "Molten" by Kidney Thieves (whatevs ...)

Bleh. I had to get up at 7 am to take my mom to work a half hour away ... ate some breakfast there (she works at a restaurant) ... then decided, well, there's no better time to take care of the stuff for my car. Had to drive around Orrville trying to figure out where to park since there wasn't any room at the Municipal Building and there's road construction going on. So I finally figure it out, and then there's a sign on the Title Office window - "STOP! If you want temporary tags you must first go to the BMV." Yay ... so I leave, get out of that mess, and go to the BMV .. get my temporary tag, discover that since I bought this car semi-close to my birthday, I have to pay extra when I get my actual license plates because it's not going to cover me till my birthday (June 6). Figures.

So I go back and park down the block and across the street from the Municipal Building ... it's a nice day fortunately ... and now I've got my title for the car. A whole $12.25 in tax for my $100 car, hehe.

Then ... I figure ... might as well stop at State Farm Insurance while I'm in town and see how much I owe for a past due balance. I go in and the woman tells me that my stepdad already took care of it!!! Pretty awesome; then again he owed me for his brat kid hitting the side of my old car. But I still have to pay 2 months up front for insurance, which would be almost $150. Great. I don't quite have that much, I have maybe half. *groan* Anyway ... I just wanted to write a post ... I still gotta go to work, pick my mom up, then tonight me and Mike are going to either Macaroni Grille or Olive Garden. I like Olive Garden but he is probably paying ... lol :)

I just got back from buying my car!!! After I got out of work, I had to go pick my mom up in Wooster since the 3 of us are running on just 2 vehicles. So we go to the bank, I cash a couple checks, and ... LOL they were so nice at the bank ... I had $1000 in ones, fives, and tens, and they gave me $100s for it. Then we went over to the guy's house I was buying it from, a 2 minute drive .. he was SO NICE. He's like, if it has any minor problems I didn't tell you about, just let me know and I'll fix it for you. How nice is that? And I got it for $200 cheaper than marked on the sign.

So ... YAY! It's not gorgeous, but it has virtually no rust, a couple very minor scratches ... the body is in great shape. I need to get another tire for it, and a serpentine belt, and also some mudflaps. Nothing major at all. I'll save a little bit more money and take it to Kelley's Auto, where I had my Honda looked at, and have him do it. I've just been getting so lucky with honest mechanics & car sellers. I spoke to a guy from Wadsworth Ford about a Honda Accord for sale; I was gonna get it but they were asking just a hair too much. Great looking car though. Anyway, I sent him an e-mail saying thanks for being so professional and nice but I'll be buying a different car. He was so nice back, saying good job on getting a car that suits ya. So if anyone needs friendly service in the area ... Wadsworth Ford. Dunno why they were selling a Honda :)

*does a jig* I'm just so happy. I can't wait to get the tags and all for it. Gotta wait till tomorrow unfortunately :( My mom was all proud because I saved up all that money in only 4 months of working at Grinders (thats like $400 a month saved) and she likes this car better than my Civic. I'll always love my Civic though!

Old car:



New car (well, very similar, I don't have a camera):



YAYAYAYY!!!!!!

(This post might be a little TMI for the first paragraph) ...

Wow ... I haven't had a day as crazy as today in a long time. I woke up at about 9 am ... thinking I'm gonna get a head start on calling that guy about the car ... long story short, a couple of symptoms had me thinking I was el preggo. Scary as hell ... I freaked out, tried to calm down ... when I get nervous, I get an upset stomach. My stomach was so upset that I puked. And I haven't puked in nearly a year, that's saying a lot for someone with as sensitive a stomach as me. Anyway, I called off work in a panic ... laid down, because no one was home and I didn't want to do a pregnancy test by myself. I don't want to get into all the symptoms I thought I had because it's kind of complicated and makes me feel stupid because I like to jump the gun on stuff like that. But I ended up starting my "time" later on today. I'm still gonna keep an eye on it, but I mean statistically there is such a low chance. Well, I better not be, because I started my pills today. They said make it a "Sunday" start, but I don't see the point in that. I always took pills starting on a Monday, not a Sunday. And I didn't wanna wait an extra week! So, I called off work and laid down to take my mind off things ... not a very restful sleep ... woke up at about 2:30 and tried milling around. Then I got some heavier action goin on down there. Thank God ... I was going insane. I feel really bad for calling off work, but I just couldn't deal with going to work in that psychotic of a state. I didn't end up going to the doctor so I hope they don't need a doctor's slip, but I was having such bad crampage anyway that I couldn't have made it from 11:30 - 8.

But onto nicer stuff! After all that, I went over to the house with the car for sale and took it for a test drive. It was running great, spoke to the guy selling it for about 15 minutes or so, then told him I'd like my stepdad to come take a look at it with me because he knows more about cars than I do. So I head into Orrville to put some gas in my stepdad's Thunderbird ... and my friend Alissa is working at my favorite gas station! I haven't seen her in a long time so it was really nice to talk, I stuck around until her boyfriend David came to pick her up and we had a quick lunch at McDonalds. Then I drove back to my house and our dog Opal was having a bit of a ... digestive problem. I called Mike and he said to bring her over, so my mom took Opal over and me and my stepdad (Rick) went to look at the car. He drove it himself, looked at everything ... and I'm buying it tomorrow for $1600!!!! I'm SOoooOOooOoO excited ... you can see a picture in the previous post, it's not the most beautiful car in the world, but it's got a lot of new parts and the body is in GREAT shape. I'm really pleased ... unfortunately by the time I get to pick it up tomorrow, the title office will most likely be closed, as well as wherever I gotta get plates ... oh well, I'll just go after work Thursday I guess. But YAY for car-age!

More crappiness ... I was just comparing rates online for car insurance ...I think I have a bad credit score because of what happened at National City. Anyone have any tips on how to ... lol fix my credit? This sucks ... I really have a lot of bills, more than a 20 year old should!

Well I guess I should just take one thing at a time, eh? I'm glad I don't (really) need to be worried about being pregnant, and now I've got a car!!!! LOL ... I have sooo many $1 bills ... gonna go to the bank tomorrow with my mom and have them switch them into $20s, even $100s maybe. This evening me and my mom sat down and sorted out of all the quarters she has, and she has $360 JUST in quarters, excluding all the dimes, nickles, and pennies she has!! It's insanity!

Well I guess I'll just end up going with State Farm again, on my stepdad's insurance. Blah ...

I FINALLY found a car I am most likely going to buy. Mike picked me up at 11 am today and as we were on the way to his house (it's like a 5 minute drive) we passed a car for sale. I was like, hey ... that's where the Nissan Pulsar was. This house had a really cute light blue 87 or 88 Pulsar for sale about a month ago, I liked it, but it was really too small. I mean, if you're gonna get in an accident, you will, but most roads around here are rural where the speed limit is 45 - 55. I don't want to be in that tiny thing. So I didn't get it. Well, now they have a 1993 Chevy Lumina Euro (don't ask me about the name). It's in near perfect shape, it's from out of state apparently so it has virtually no rust, it needs one or two new tires, but it's only got about 85,000 miles on it! That's awesome. So, I'm gonna have my trusted mechanic from Kelley's take a look at it, see what he says, and probably buy it! They're asking $1800 for it but I'm gonna offer $1600 at first. I've got about $1500 at the moment but my mom could lend me a little bit if I need it. I mean ... it's not very cute ... and I'm admittedly kinda shallow about stuff like that ... take a look at a similar car ...



That's basically exactly what it looks like, even the color. I can get over it not being cute. I'll try to personalize it. And what's nice, it's not quite as little as my Civic, so my knees won't bump into everything, lol. But I am really hoping I get this car, especially since my mom's car died yesterday. Yeah ... now I have to drive my stepdad's Thunderbird which sucks, because I LOVE that car, but I hate using it, because I feel like a mooch. It's a great car, it's got that 'growl' when you accelerate.

But I had a great Easter, I hope everyone else did too! Mike's mom got me a Hello Kitty Easter basket!!!! I'll have to get a picture of it tomorrow. Spent time with his family ... they're all really cool ... but yeah, I'm really looking forward to this car. This could finally be it :D

This is new favorite picture ...



This is old favorite picture ...



We were slow at work but I still managed to make about $55 ... everytime the guys from Sharp Images (tattoo/piercing place in town) they leave awesome tips. So I got a $10 from a dude and three girls from there, a $9 tip from a table of 5, an $8 tip from a table of 4, and $6 tip from a table of two. Plus my other tables, but like I said we were slow.

I hope everyone has a great Easter tomorrow, or whatever you observe. But you're getting the day/weekend off for Easter! ;)

I drink way too much Diet Coke ... I just cleared off my desk of Diet Coke cans and I've already got like 10 more ... I guess it's better than drinking regular Coke or otherwise sugary pop ... *shrugs*

Today is ONE MONTH FROM CALIFORNIA DAY! On May 15, by now we'll be on a flight ... our flight leaves at like 9 am, which is a good time, not too early or too late in the day. Our flight to Florida last year left at 6 am or something so we were up in Cleveland by like 4 am ... and since there is a 3 hour time difference, we'll land in California when it's about 11 - noon! I'm sure we'll experience some jet lag though :P I'm gonna try to get hardly any sleep so that I can sleep on the plane though. I don't know if I'll be able to though ... I loooove flying! Mike tried dozing last time, I think I might've kept him awake for part of it though. I got to read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince on the way back from Florida, it came out while we were down there and dorky me bought it at the Naples Wal-Mart. And let me just say, I have never seen such a cultural mix as I have at that Wal-Mart! Hispanics, asians, people who looked Jamaican, very few white people. It was really neat to hear all the different languages at once.

Anyway ... it's only a month away ... but it's still a WHOLE month away ... what's gonna happen in between ... tomorrow is Easter, also I get to eat meat again! I really think it was good for me to do this mini vegetarian experiment. I didn't really lose any weight, but that's my fault because I didn't eat a lot better. I mean, I DID but I should've exercised more too. It's hard to get motivation to exercise when you are moving around all the time at work. I'll probably still not eat a lot of red meat, but it'll be niiiiice to eat chicken again. Mike and I are going to Macaroni Grille next Wednesday to celebrate eating chicken again, so we can get some chicken alfredo pasta bowl ... well, there or Olive Garden ... I kinda like Olive Garden more but it's his choice ... that's also my stepbrother's 16th birthday. Yay -_- We don't talk or 'hang' out or anything. He thinks he's too cool for me or something. Whatever, he's turning into a little jock.

Let's see ... then there's my cousin's 21st birthday in about a week ... I don't think I'll be able to make it up there but I'm sure I'd just be a wet rag, lol. I miss hanging out with my cousin though, we're just two really different people ... we can hang out with each other just fine, but when you mix our friends, I dunno that it'd work out. Anyhoo ...

Oh and yesterday was interesting ... work was so DEAD but that's because a lot of businesses weren't open due to Good Friday. Cracks me up how business and schools (people in general) will pander to religious holidays when it gets them a day off, but in another situation they would say they shouldn't be able to do that. I'm not good at wording stuff today, whatever. Most of our lunch crowd comes from businesses, especially Smuckers (yeah ... the real headquarters for the jelly place is in the town I work in) and by the way they don't tip very good! Went over Mike's and helped him hammer together some dog cages ... they have pug and chinese crested puppies ... the pugs are so adorable ... the chinese cresteds are kinda ... ugly ...

Oh, I found this SWEET car on eBay, a 92 Honda Accord. It comes from a local car dealership so I'm gonna see if my mom will take me to look at it before I go to work today. I love Hondas ... I just don't think I can bring myself to buy another kind of car, unless it was a Toyota or Mazda. My dad always had foreign cars, so I guess it's just a thing, he always said they were better. I was talking about that with a girl from work yesterday, she said she hates foreign cars because they cost too much to repair and aren't as sturdy. Whatever, I mean they have their bad points, as ANY car does, but the gas mileage and durability are what get me. I can't recall my dad ever owning an American car, except a '54 Chevy.

So I guess I'm gonna bop outta here and get dressed and tell my mom we're going to Wadsworth. She wants me to get a new car as much as I do! Ciao!


My cute Yahoo avatar ... it's supposed to be Opal down there, the dachsund, but Opal is cuter than that!

I posted this on myspace but I wanted to show everyone here ... I played with this for like 15 minutes ... if she gets stuck on a ball, just use the mouse to drag her off. Fling her around ... LOL ... I'm easily amused ...

BMW for sale on eBay!

So Mike said the other day I should hit up eBay for used cars. I had done that right after my old car died, but didn't have much luck. I guess people are probably more apt to sell their old cars at this time of year anyway. So I did the normal searches ... Honda ... Mazda ... Pontiac ... then I was like, hmm ... isn't there another make I really like? And I remembered BMW! So this is the only one I found within my price range, I figure, what the hell, it's a BMW, this is the cheapest I'm gonna get, lol. Unfortunately the auction ends in like a day and a half so I sent the seller an email asking if I could possible talk to them about the car, or even come see it. It's only in Canton. I don't want to usurp the other bidder, but hey ... I WANT IT! I NEED a car! I also found a cute Pontiac Sunfire (always loved those) and even better it's PURPLE! It's all the way up in Cleveland though. Anyhoo, that's what I've been doing tonight.

Did my taxes earlier, lol ... it wasn't as annoying as I thought it was gonna be. I had to find my W-2 form from Grinders, turned out my mom had it hidden in her room. Looks like I'll be getting about $340 back, so that's not too bad.

Got some new shorts and a tank top today when I went shopping ... this really cute one is really low cut on the back. I think my back is probably my favorite place on my body, it is pretty toned for whatever reason, and nice and tan now. Well I'm gonna head out ... play some Golden Sun 2 before I doze off ... night! :)

So today me and Mike went up to Planned Parenthood so I could get back on the pill. It was so awesome ... I told them how I got all moody on the pill last time, and they said I'm gonna try a different one, hopefully that'll help. I also mentioned how we're going to California next month and if possible I'd like to start the pills on a time that won't make me get my time while we're there. Let me explain something real quick ... some birth control pills have different levels of horomones per 'week', in the 4 week cycle. You take 3 weeks of active pills, then you get your time of the month in the 4th week when you take placebo pills. So, for the pills that have different levels, they'd have higher levels for the first week, then lower levels for the second week, even lower levels for the third week, and then the placebo. I guess it's so that you get the least amount of horomones necessary. Anyway, I'm taking pills that are the same amount of horomones the whole way through. So even after I finish my first 3 weeks of pills, I can just throw the placebo pills out, and start taking the next month of pills - skipping my time of the month all together! This totally rocks. I'm still gonna try to schedule it so if it appears anyway for whatever reason, it won't be while we're in California. PLUS, I had a $20 balance from Planned Parenthood from the last time I was there. I paid that ... then they said I didn't owe anything for the pills they gave me .. I made it under the bar for getting pills for free I guess! I was on a reduced payment last time, but I still had to pay $20 a month for pills. What's odd though is now I'm making even MORE money than I was at the video store, like I averaged it anywhere between $7.25 - $8.50/hr on average, even with the slow times at work. BUT I just wanted to mention that, I think it's so cool I just get to skip my time of the month. I AM kinda worried however that it'll be extra heavy when I do get it. But, I don't have to always take the pills like that, I can just keep taking them if I want to skip a period here or there.

Well, enough about that, me and Mike watched this amazing show on TLC called "Facemakers" about facial reconstructive surgeons who help (I assume) children with facial deformities due to birth defects or accidents. I cried like three times ... this one little baby had been given up by her mother, she wasn't even a year old, and these people adopted her that had other children with problems. This poor little baby was born without a jaw and only had one whole leg, the rest of her limbs were only about half. Then another 4 year old had this extremely rare disease, literally only 29 documented cases. Her brain is growing outside of her skull and bulging out of her forehead, and her eyes protrude not only because of shallow eyesockets but because of the pressure. It was so hard to watch, well I couldn't watch the surgical parts.

Well before I start getting all teary eyed again ... just wanted to post ... gotta work again tomorrow and I'm SO stopped up nasally ... GRR! Nite!

This is SO FUNNY ... I had to make a mini post ... Go to Google. Type in the word "Failure" in the search box, but instead of searching, click "I'm feeling lucky" - takes you to the first search result. JUST DO IT!!!

Blah .... I always sleep till like, 10 minutes before I have to leave for work. My sore throat got worse and worse last night so could you blame me? I just wanted to lie in bed and not have to talk to anyone. But luckily my sore throat eased up, good thing since I worked 11:30 - 8. Lots of stuff happened at work today but I don't really feel like typing it all out, lol.

I started playing Golden Sun 2 for GBA last night. It's nice, because the beginning takes place at the very end of the last game. It's hard to explain, but now I'm playing as the 'enemies' from the end of the first game, so it's kind of a different perspective. I'm not a huge fan of the Djinni system in Golden Sun, but I love the style of the game. So we'll see how it goes. I was playing Final Fantasy IV ... I just couldn't get into it for some reason. I'll try playing some more of it tonight. I guess I've just been so preoccupied with Suikoden, but Mike's been playing his PS2 so I haven't had a chance to borrow it. There are so few games that I get obsessed with, but when I do it's like, WHOA, total overload. The games I've been most obsessed with ... Pokemon ... Zelda: Ocarina of Time ... all the Suikodens ... FF Tactics Advance ... when I tried playing FFTA recently, I could hardly get into it. I dunno how I put 120 hours on that, the tactical battles are so drawn out, but I loved them. I still need to play Suikoden Tactics. I feel like posting pictures!


Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. I really did love the characters, this is one of the first RPGs I ever played. The class system was awesome, I loved the races, especially the vieras ... well I loved the moogles and the nu mous too. Admittedly the story wasn't that awesome, but I enjoyed making the different classes, like viera assassins and nu mou illusionists. I tried playing the regular Final Fantasy Tactics and it was cool, but HARD. For some reason I just have a hard time getting into the normal FF games too, oh well. I like what I like :)


Thought this was some cool art from Ocarina. I realized I have like three Zelda shirts, lol. One with this graphic on it (well basically):

One with the sweet Hyrulian Triforce, and one that has some characters from Oracle of Ages/Seasons. Ocarina of Time was one of my first N64 games, and it totally blew me away. I remember playing it like, all summer over and over with my cousin Derreck sitting in my grandma's basement taking turns fishing and eating my grandma's AWESOME chicken salad sandwiches. Good times.


The Suikoden that started it all. Tir as the main character (well, I named him Airyx, like I name ALL my characters) hitting some dude ... Pesmerga and Viktor in the front row ... Cleo, Kirkis, and Kuromimi! Mike had a scraggly looking dog I named Kuromimi :)


Okay, I'm lame, I loved this game, me and my cousin Brittany wasted our preteen lives playing this game. I was always Tip Tup the Turtle and she was Pipsy the Mouse. Tip Tup liked to drift a little too much but he was faster than Pipsy. We used to make like radio shows about the game while playing. We were dorks!


I was a way bigger fan of Vigilante 8 than of Twisted Metal. Maybe that's because I didn't own my own Playstation, my stepbrothers had one. Plus, the cars and destructive equipment are cooler in Vigilante 8.


All the pictures I found online don't do Roadsters N64 justice. It's got hardly any customization, lousiest characters, but I freakin love the cars in this N64 game. I used to rent it like crazy when I was in like 8th, 9th grade. The cars were just beautiful. I guess I get my love for the muscle car from my mom!


SIM HOSPITAL! I just thought of this game. I played it for hours, I wasn't very good at it, considering I was about 13 or 14 when I was addicted to it, it was kinda hard. Obviously, you own a hospital and make different areas, heal enough sick people, etc. It's loads of fun. For Playstation.


In that same vein ... SIM TOWER! One of the best PC games ever. SOOO addictive. What's awesome is you have like, rooms people live in, offices, and restaurants, among other types of rooms you put in your tower. Well you can name the people that live in your condos! Like I would make me and my boyfriend, then name our neighbors our friends, and you can watch where they go in the Tower! It rules. Plus Santa visits!


I saved one of my faves for last, PC's AMBER: Journeys Beyond. This game scared the living shit out of me in high school. I had to play it with the lights on while listening to music. Then again, I can't even touch Resident Evil without jumping halfway across the room. But this game is so awesome, it's about the supernatural and ghosts. Sweet.

OKAY, now that I've bored you all to death ... thanks if you made it through all that!

Blah, I'm cleaning my room and I hate it. I hate cleaning more than anything. But my room is so messy, and I have to find some stuff of Mike's. Who knows if I'll find it ... ha ... my cold is catching back up to me, my nose is all runny again and my throat kinda hurts. I thought I was over this damn thing!

Finally bought a new bra today. I looove Target! Admittedly they need to mix up their clothing selection just a hair, but I love most of the stuff they have, give or take some of the bohemian crud. Guh my throat is killing me.

Today was my one day off work this week, well save for Sunday since it's Easter. I love working at a place that is closed on major holidays! At the video store we were open 365 days a year, no exceptions. At least at the store in Rittman, everyone bit the bullet and worked like a 2 - 3 hour shift and got to spend the rest of the time with their fam/friends. At the Orrville store, everyone would try to request off every other holiday. It's like, fuck c'mon just DO IT. I could see if you had to go out of state, or something like that, but they were just being selfish. I'm so glad I'm not working at that store anymore, all the girls were so dramatic and bitchy. Also alcoholics. With children! Not a good combo!

Ugh, I have to work a 'long day' tomorrow, from 11:30 - 8 pm. Yay. Just gotta get it done and over with, I guess. The rest of the week I work some good shifts. Figures though, tomorrow is the only day I could've gone to see my aunt before she moves out of state. I'm not up in arms about it, because I don't think she'd come to see ME if I was moving out of state. I could be wrong but I'm a little biased I guess.

I don't want to go back to cleaning ... I'll do more when my computer clock says 8 pm ... that's in 5 minutes ... I was gonna work on my taxes today, but my mom wouldn't go wherever we had to go to pick up forms to do them. So I guess I'll just have to hunker down and do them Wednesday or Thursday, yippee. My mom is such a bitch sometimes; I mean I live with her and I'm 20 so I should give her some leeway, but we were in good moods earlier this afternoon, doing a little shopping & getting lunch, then we go out to Target a few hours later and she's turned into super bitch because she can't stop texting my stepdad and he was pissing her off, as always. I really can't stand to live with her anymore, I mean I enjoy when we spend time together when she's in a good mood, but it's so infrequent and she's SO nasty to me, it's just not worth trying to spend time with her anymore. I really want to just move out but I can't even think about that till I get another car.

Well I guess I better get off my ass and start cleaning again. Hopefully Mike is gonna send me some pictures of dachsunds for your viewing pleasure! Ciao!

Yeah! Last night we went to see "Benchwarmers" in Barberton. I've read a lot of bad reviews ... but WOW it was fucking hilarious! I don't think I've ever laughed that much at a movie!

How about MEGA MITT???


Haha that scene was great. David Spade was hilarious and so was Jon Heder. Rob Schneider actually wasn't annoying for once.



Jon Heder's character was a lot like Napoleon, just a few different tics. Anyway ... oh man they were all hilarious, I could go on and on about the stupid jokes BUT I'll let you go see it for yourself. Yeah, it's childish, physical humor, but it's worth it!

I worked from 8 am - 3 pm today for jack squat concerning money ... old people ... LEARN HOW TO TIP! I'm not bringing you all your shit for 50 cents a fucking person!

My legs and feet are killing me but I guess my legs are in pretty good shape because Mike said they were pretty hard. I guess walking at your job ALL THE TIME will do that to you. Maybe that's why I haven't been losing weight, I've been building muscle.

I get to eat meat again in a week! Whoo ... Easter's just around the corner. It really wasn't that hard to give up meat. And I didn't eat ANY!! So I feel really good about myself in that respect :)

Me and Mike are gonna catch a matinee of "Benchwarmers" with the dude who played Napoleon Dynamite, Jon Heder; David Spade; Rob Schneider. Hopefully it's good. Might pick up a mocha moolatte from Dairy Queen .... mm I don't like coffee but those things are yummy!

Just wanted to make a quick post ... ciao!

I am having a hard time remembering what I did yesterday, lol :( Let's see ... I worked, as usual ... oh, it rocked, I had this table of three people - two women and a guy. The guy was obviously gay ... very flamboyant, bleached hair, hand motions, everything - but I love gay guys, so it was cool. Gay guys make great friends! Anyway, they ordered appetizers, really specific food, and were normal nice, not overly nice or grouchy ... paid with a credit card and they left me a $10 tip for just the three of them! I was flabbergasted! Then I got the Knox's today. Everyone knows who the Knox's are - the leave at least a $7 tip everytime they come in for just the two of them. They are nice, but I always feel nervous when they're my table because I don't want to screw up. So that was about $17 in tips from two tables!

I picked up some DVDs from EB Games, they had buy 2 get 1, so I got "Moulin Rouge", "Shallow Hal", and "Jarhead" ... if you haven't seen "Jarhead" and you like Jake Gyllenhall ... lol it's all my mom could talk about after we saw the movie. Honestly doesn't do anything for me, that kinda stuff, but it was kinda nice to see a guy do something, instead of a girl. But otherwise it's a really good movie with a great message. Just see it :)

Mike picked up Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion last night, and WOW those graphics are absolutely amazing. Mike has one of the best graphic cards you can get ... we were just stunned at the level of detail. He let me make a girl character, and you can customize the HELL out of your person's face. I made a female Wood Elf with light purple/blue hair, bright blue eyes, dark skin tone, with dark eye makeup but light lips, and an UNDERBITE because I have one! LOL it took me like a half hour to just customize the face. Unfortunately you can't customize the body height or weight or anything. Still, frigging awesome.

Bleh, I thought I had to work this morning but I don't work until 4:30 ... and I'm sure I'll have to close, those fuckers. They always make me close on a Friday night so I'm there till like 11, then I gotta be there at about 7:45 Saturday morning and open all by myself. It sucks hardcore.

I had a dream last night my dad signed up for myspace, lol. I also had a dream right before I woke up that I was in this like ... castle ... it was like the castle from Ocarina of Time/Suikoden II, except it had 15 floors. I remember going on the elevator and seeing all these places from video games, but no one was there. It was me and these two midget people helping me out. We were paranoid that the 'enemies' were going to come back, so all of a sudden I ran in my mom's room (it was in the castle apparently lol) and used my newly acquired gun loading skills to ready a gun. Then when the enemies came, I ran through different scenarios where I shot them automatically, or gave them a chance to live. OH, I also had a dream that I had just gotten back from the Freezepop concert and was looking for Opal, our dog. I had full Freezepop regalia on and could hear the members of Freezepop in the woods too, looking for something. So I waltz over there and act like I'm their best friend. It was funny, then all of a sudden we were on a train and I was hanging out with the Duke. We were travelling through this town ... then I got off ... got stranded and stayed at my friend Holly's house ... there was a big portrait of her brother Drew in the one-room house (I went to school with him) ... man I think all these dreams bled together) because I got back on the train and the Duke was hitting on me or something, and I got off the train and was going through the woods again and arrived at that castle. WOW, what a weird line of dreams!

In case anyone forgot ... FREEZEPOP!

Just got home from work & stopping at Mike's house ... work sucked ... one nice thing happened though. This woman named Helen worked there when I first started at Grinders, then she took a 6 week leave for surgery. Today was my first day working with her since she came back on Monday and I gotta say, I really liked it. She used to be kinda grouchy, she was also a manager ... but she wasn't very good at it. She's a good server but being a manager is hard as it is, and I think she would get really stressed. Anyway it was nice to have her back.

Stopped at Mike's because I forgot my $20 gift certificate for Goodwill in his truck, hehe ... that thing will last awhile! So me and my mom are gonna go to the Medina Goodwill and scope out their stuff; only been there once. Their stuff is kinda more expensive than normal Goodwills, but its a little better quality & selection. LOL I love thrift stores.

I'm working a lot ... it feels good though ... bringing in my own money ... work is a really big part of who I am. I really like waitressing. I can't believe I wasted all that time at the video store. It sometimes doesn't feel like work because everyone is friends and you're always trying to keep each other sane. I love my job. :)

I finished my book "Vanishing Acts" by Jodi Picoult today. It was good ... I was slightly disappointed by the ending, though ... I also read her book "My Sister's Keeper" a few months ago, and that book knocked me off my feet, made me cry at the end. Anyhoo, this one was good, but I guess didn't hit home as much as the other one. And, I just didn't LIKE the ending. Next on my reading list is "What Dreams May Come", even though I've seen the movie, Mike says the book is really awesome.

I'm also going back on le Pill for numerous reasons. I'm trying to find one that won't fuck with my horomones so much, because I got so depressed and paranoid when I was on orthotricyclen-lo, and apparently when I was on Yasmin, though I think it was just because of the relationship I was in (no offense Gus). Probably be heading to Planned Parenthood later this week, but I've got to coordinate my starting the pill with our trip to California in 6 weeks from today!!! That's only 42 days! That's only as long as Lent has been, and it's really flown by. For those keeping tabs I still haven't eaten any meat except fish, and that's rare. I'm pretty proud of myself. Just gotta make it till April 16!

I've been thinking about my dad a lot since I found that reunion.com thing. I looked myself up on Google and it has my old hotmail address listed. I checked in on it, though I haven't used it in like 2 years, and no emails from my dad. Sigh. I'm thinking of asking my mom tomorrow if she will look, actually LOOK for his address. She's said that she has it, then turns around and says she doesn't have it. He apparently lives on Freehold Drive in Parma, which is less than an hour away. And I've lived in the same house for 7 years and he hasn't tried to come see me. Part of me says, like my mom said, that he doesn't want to disappoint me, that he has mental issues (manic depressive), that he isn't doing this to hurt me. Then the other part says, I haven't seen him in 6 years, haven't talked to him in about 4, nothing is stopping him. While I of course know that Jessica is my sister, and I want him to see her too, for all he knows I could've had children already, been married, become a crack whore, moved somewhere ... my dad is 51. He's not getting any younger. My grandpa died when he was about 64? That's only 13 years away; what if my dad dies that young? I have an uncle (his brother) that my mom knows where he lives, I haven't seen him since I was 13. My dad has 7 or 8 brothers and sisters. I remember my cousins Ricky, Raymond, and Randy. I vaguely remember Ricky being like the son my dad never had. Raymond is a lot older than me and has kids my age, I think. Randy was a model. Of course, I also have a half brother named Scott. I have absolutely NO idea what he is doing. My mom said he has his mother's name. I think we went to that Air Force base in Dayton together when I was really young. But it could've been another relative, I don't know. Reading "Vanishing Acts" I guess does hit a little close, because it's all about hidden memories and things we don't remember from our childhood. I wanted to write in my letter to my dad, I remember using the computer when I was 10, him telling me about stuff. I remember being grounded for something when he was married to my stepmom, Lisa, who I really disliked ... I'd like to know what she's doing now, I guess. There are so many people in my childhood that I don't even know where or who they are. I was a troubled, messed up kid. But she didn't help. I cringe when I think of some of the stuff I did, not because I was a "bad" kid, but because I was kind of sneaky. I don't really want to talk about it ... my childhood feels detached, like I didn't really live it, that wasn't me. I started to write something about my life, but it got kinda long. Mike always asks me what about my life I haven't told him, and there really isn't anything. My life wasn't particularly exciting, I centered myself around my boyfriends when I was in high school, which was a stupid thing to do, but no I don't really care to talk about it. He wonders, how can I not want to talk about things that are bothering me. I prefer not to think about unpleasant memories, I guess I block them all out, except the really big ones. Or maybe I blocked those out too and I just don't know it. When I think of my dad, I think of how he always looked ... slightly dressy looking shirts, colorful ones usually, and black or blue jeans. I never saw him in shorts. A lot of dark brown hair. I remember he showed me a picture of him when I was 13, dressed in drag for Halloween. It was really weird. My dad never really treated me as his daughter. We went bicycling on slightly dangerous roads, talked to me not like you would talk to a daughter, I guess. My ex used to call me kiddo all the time and I hated it because my dad used to call me that. Sometimes I listen to certain music because I think, my dad would be happy if he knew I listened to this. That I didn't turn out to be a complete and total loser, that if he took the time to know me he might be happy with how I turned out. It's hard because my dad never abused me or anything, so I don't hate him. Sometimes I almost wish my dad had done something unforgiveable so I could hate him and not want to see him. Mike says that I don't need him to validate me, but in a way of course I do. My stepdad is a nice guy but he was never fatherly to me, except when I passed out at Wal-Mart and he caught me and held me, or when I was going in to have my appendix removed he was there a lot. My dad doesn't know about any of that stuff. I just want to know WHY he doesn't try to get in contact with me, unless I disappointed him. I overcame my fears, and fatigue, when we would go biking together. I still talk about him, even though I wonder if he ever says "My daughter did ... " Even today I mentioned my dad to Mike for some reason, I forget. I brought him up to some customers at work who were looking at a mountain biking catalogue.

Well I guess I am done. I have to be at work in less than 6 hours. I'm not tired ... I was SO tired when Mike brought me home, then I started reading and finished my book ... then I just get on a train of thought and can't get off ... I needed to vent a little bit. Goodnight.


Oh, and ... it's finally happened, I got the elusive email.

Ahora puedes escribirme a: owoedhena01@yahoo.es
H.O.D. ACCOUNTS. FEDERAL MINISTRY OF WORKS & HOUSING. VICTORIA ISLAND. LAGOS - NIGERIA. FIRST I MUST SOLICIT FOR YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF IT BEING VERY CONFIDENTIAL, MY NAME IS MR.MARTIN OWOEDHE . AN ACCOUNTANT (FOREIGN PAYMENT DEPT) WITH THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF WORKS & HOUSING. LAGOS- NIGERIA. I CAME TO KNOW YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE THIS CONFIDENTIAL TRANSACTION WHICH INVOLVES THE HUGE TRANSFER OF MONEY TO A FOREIGN BANK ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF SOME SENIOR OFFICIALS OF THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA, AND THE MINISTRY OF FINANCE. WE WANT TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF SIX MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS ($6.5 MILLION } OUT OF MY COUNTRY, NIGERIA.THE SIX MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS IS AN ACCUMULATION OF OVER-INVOICED CONTRACTS WHICH HAS ALREADY BEEN EXECUTED AND COMMISSIONED. THIS AMOUNT STILL LIES IN THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF WORKS SUSPENCE ACCOUNT WITH THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA (CBN).AS WE CIVIL SERVANTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT BECAUSE THE CODE OF CONDUCT ACT IN NIGERIA MAKES IT AN OFFENCE FOR ANY PUBLIC OFFICER TO OPERATE FOREIGN ACCOUNT. IT IS AS A RESULT OF THIS THAT WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO MAKE USE OF YOUR PRIVATE/COMPANY'S ACCOUNT TO TRANSFER THE SAID SUM. PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL MODALITIES HAS BEEN WORKEDOUT FOR A SMOOTH AND HITCH-FREE TRANSFER OF THE US$6.5MILLION INTO YOUR ACCOUNT, WITHIN TEN WORKING DAYS OF GETTING YOUR POSITIVE RESPONSE AND CONSENT. YOU WOULD BE ENTITLED TO 30% OF THE $6,500,000 FOR PROVIDING US AN ACCOUNT, 65% WOULD COME TO US IN NIGERIA, AND THE REMAINING 5% WOULD BE USED TO OFFSET ALL LOCAL/FOREIGN EXPENDITURE ON THE FOLLOWING GROUNDS. (A) THAT WE ARE SATISFIED ON ALL GROUNDS THAT OUR SHARE OF THE FUND WOULD BE GIVEN TO US AFTER TRANSFER TO YOUR DESIGNATED ACCOUNT . (B) THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS TREATED WITH UTMOST CONFIDENCE, SECRECY AND ABSOLUTE SINCERITY, WHICH IT DEMANDS. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THE PROPOSAL, YOU CAN CONTACT ME NOW FOR FURTHER DETAILS ON THE TRANSACTION. YOU ARE ALSO REQUIRED TO PROVIDE A SECURED TELEPHONE NUMBERS FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS TRANSACTION. EXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST. YOURS FAITHFULLY, MR.MARTIN OWOEDHE . - Martin Owoedhe

Started out not so good. I haven't felt as bad as I felt when I woke up this morning in a loooong time. Mike thinks I was kinda dehydrated; I was all lightheaded and my WHOLE body just hurt. And I had to be at work in like an hour at the time. I stumbled downstais, took some Advil cold medicine, went back upstairs and ate a poptart and dozed off for about 20 minutes ... when I woke up, I felt like a new person. I couldn't believe the contrast, it must've been the Advil. So I went to work at 9 am ... fully expecting to have to do all the opening duties alone. This guy at work put in his two week notice but got 'sick' (though he didn't seem too sick at work) and didn't come in AT ALL this week except for today. He didn't even call yesterday saying if he was gonna show up or not, he just DIDN'T. That's why I had to work so much. Anyhoo, he showed up and was like "haha its my last day etc" and was a prick. He said "I hope they don't expect me to do much sidework since it's my last day" ... he was just such a jerk. I wanted to go over to him and just say, HELLO, I covered your shift last night from 4 - 10 pm after I had already worked 8 am - 2:30 pm. So shut the hell up!!!!

Anyway this evening was better. We went to see "Ice Age 2" in Barberton! It was GREAT, soooo cute! The first one had tons of cute stuff and this one was great. I really dislike Queen Latifah but she wasn't annoying in this at all.

I would like everyone to watch this video. You'll be in awe. Thousands of bouncy balls released in San Francisco ... choose a video quality over to the right. It's awesome.

EDIT: Periodically I do searches for my dad on the internet to see if I pull up anything. I can find nearly anything about anyone on the net. Well I tried this new site ... most "find missing persons" sites suck, and this one isn't different, but it lets you see a little info about someone without paying. Well I found out my dad graduated from Lincoln-West H.S. in Cleveland in 1973. I never knew that before. I always wondered what school he went to and when he graduated. I get kind of teary eyed thinking I needed a website to tell me that. Of course I can't contact him or anything, and the city listing on there is York, PA, and I'm pretty positive he doesn't live there anymore, but I could be wrong. ... Dad if you're reading this ... and if you do a basic search for "heidi marshallville" on google, the second result is my myspace profile ...so he probably isn't reading this because I would've been contacted already. I'm tired of this ... this is the closest I can get ... My Dad's profile. If anyone cares to join and give me his email address .... lol ...

Ugh ... I won't get too indepth ... firstly I worked 4 - 10 pm last night ... Holly @ work was a sweetheart and closed for me because she knew I was feeling crummy. Then I had to get up at 6:30 am this morning, take my mom to work a half an hour away, then drive 20 minutes to my work to be there at 7:45 am. I worked from then until 2:30 pm. It was a really slow lunch. Then I went home, ate some filet o' fish and a parfait from McDonalds, then went BACK to work at 4 pm and worked until 10 pm. Like I said, I don't feel like talking about the bitchy tables, but all in all, working approximately 12 - 13 hours (combined) today ... I only made about $75 in tips. Yeah, with my $2.30/hr minimum wage that only comes to about $100 total, divided by how much I worked is only $7.50/hr ... which I guess isn't THAT bad but considering I'm getting sicker, people were bitchy, my whole body hurts right now ... yeah, just was NOT worth it for spending my WHOLE day at work. To top it all off, I gotta go back to work at 9 am and work until my shift is over, which better be by 2 pm. I am going to tell them, I would've called off for tomorrow but I'll do all the opening duties ... but I want to be sent home ASAP. Though I'm sure it won't happen.

At least me and Mike are going to see "Ice Age 2" tomorrow night. And I have Monday off ... finally, some rest ... I gotta get up in like 5 1/2 hours so goodnight.